Rager Rabbit

I am angry.

I am angry at you.

I’ve gone through feeling sad and guilty,

And missing you and being afraid that I’ll never find someone like you.

And hating you,

And being terrified of ever having you again in my life because I feel like you’ll drag me down.

Like you being anywhere near me is going to pull me in your spiral, 

down, down, down.

I’m teetering on the edge of my own ledge,

There’s a hole in the ground and it leads somewhere I don’t want even want to look.

And I’m holding on, I’m too proud to fall back in there,

I’m too proud to ever want you, too. 

I chose myself and I will choose myself, forever.

I feel hurt and angry and used.

I’m the neck and you’re the noose.

You wanted me to be whatever you had in your mind,

And I wanted to be what you wanted, what you could be proud of. 

I tried to be something that you could show off. 

Within the bounds of myself, to become acceptable to your peers. 

To your stuck up, cold hands, and to the friends that leave you in tears.

And that is a fault of mine. I was spineless, I knew not my face.

That was my fault and my mistake. And I recognize it and accept it.

I learned to look into myself only after I'd cut the chain and closed the door.

But I’m apologizing to myself.

Because I fucking hate you. I don’t. 

But it feels nice to pretend I do. 

Kiss Kill

You only want to kiss me when you’re wasted

You’re only touchy when we’re in front of your friends

The only time you want to hold me is when I don’t want to

Yet still I put myself into your hands

You’re nothing but a scratch on my shin

Yet the cut grows inwards and makes my body shake inside my skin

You only want to kiss me when you’re wasted

You’ll wake up tomorrow and puke as if you regret it

Every time I stay over you wake up feeling sick

I keep wondering why you’re asking me to stay

You only want me because you’re lonely

You want me like a leash held on your hand

If you ask I’ll stay up to run my hands through your hair

Even if my arms get sore and I don’t want to be awake

You’re nothing but the cut on my lip

It’s so tiny but you know it stings like a bitch

I wonder why I’m staying up ’til morning

You tell me “If you want to, go to sleep”

But when I get off the couch and leave you lying

You look at me like I’m the wolf and you’re the sheep

I hate the way you called me darling

As if you really cared for me and loved me too

No, I’m not saying you were lying,

I’m just saying your heart left mine black and blue.

Sunset Angelica

 Angelica,

blooming in the twilight.

The one who left my neck a pleasant purple,

my thighs littered with bruising bites.

Angelica,

shining gold under the sunlight.

Her voice left my wounds appeased and supple,

her music healing my sunrise.

Braiding hair upon a tower, runs her hands along my spine.

Her touch sings praises. Like a flower, I shall bloom under her hands.

Angelica, you are magnificent, please be aware of the fact.

The songs we sang upon cold stairwells were a kindness to my heart.