Rager Rabbit

I am angry.

I am angry at you.

I’ve gone through feeling sad and guilty,

And missing you and being afraid that I’ll never find someone like you.

And hating you,

And being terrified of ever having you again in my life because I feel like you’ll drag me down.

Like you being anywhere near me is going to pull me in your spiral, 

down, down, down.

I’m teetering on the edge of my own ledge,

There’s a hole in the ground and it leads somewhere I don’t want even want to look.

And I’m holding on, I’m too proud to fall back in there,

I’m too proud to ever want you, too. 

I chose myself and I will choose myself, forever.

I feel hurt and angry and used.

I’m the neck and you’re the noose.

You wanted me to be whatever you had in your mind,

And I wanted to be what you wanted, what you could be proud of. 

I tried to be something that you could show off. 

Within the bounds of myself, to become acceptable to your peers. 

To your stuck up, cold hands, and to the friends that leave you in tears.

And that is a fault of mine. I was spineless, I knew not my face.

That was my fault and my mistake. And I recognize it and accept it.

I learned to look into myself only after I'd cut the chain and closed the door.

But I’m apologizing to myself.

Because I fucking hate you. I don’t. 

But it feels nice to pretend I do.